I can't stop cutting. I have a problem. Today I cut myself.....13 times. I wanted to work out. My mom is making me a costume and I read the sizes wrong. SO Now I have to lose.... 2" off my bust. 4.5" off my waist and 7" off my hips. In three weeks. So I wanted to work out. I see their side. It is 10:30 PM. I was already exhausted and I didn't get enough sleep last night. So they argued and yelled and screamed. I screamed back. And my mother brought up that I am so much like my dad's family. They disowned me 7 years ago, I was 10.

So I don't know what to do with myself. I need to cut. and I hate myself for it. As soon as mom told me I needed to lose weight fast I went and took a shower.... so I could throw up without them hearing me.

I know how to lose weight

Eat less, ---or pke when you over eat

Work out a lot --- What I tried to do

Sleep more--- Who has time for sleep? I am a senior in high school! I dont have enough time for homework, how can I have time for sleep?

And finally drink more water.

The first and last are easy. The middle two..... not so much. They have this issue with time. I need more of it. Something has to give. I sleep more and work out less, I work out more and sleep less. There is no win.

So here I am arguing with my parents and cutting myself. Because I can't deal. I don't know how. And now I hate myself more.

I've got some good reasons.

1. I am 17, 5'5" and a disgusted 165lbs

2. I can't lose the weight

3. My mother can't stop bring up with previous two reasons

4. I am cutting.

5. I started puking again.

Fuck my life

AHHHHH!

Mr Retriever and I went on our first date. I have never been so disappointed. I will lead you from disaster to disaster. First I show up to the movies and see that he is already inside past the ticket taker and talking to a group of his friends. So I purchase my ticket and walk to him. I was fine with that I wouldn't have let him pay anyways but... it would have been nice for him at ask. When I get to him I say hello to him and all of his friends, I knew a few from school, and he just says "Hi," and goes back to speaking with his friends. COMPLETELY IGNORING ME! I was fine with that... kind of. It was his first date I took that into account. He is new at this I told myself he doesn't know any better.
Now we are flashing to the movie. In the last ten minutes he puts his arm around my neck. Yes, neck. Not shoulders, neck. In a choke hold. It was so uncomfortable! So i try ajusting. But no my scrauny man was strong. So I am stuck leaning over the armrest sideways in a choke hold.... Romantic huh? Ya, I thought so too.
After the movie we go to our local Boston Pizza, a Canadian cake (fake Italian restaurant), for a late night snack. He started at the T.V. the entire time. No conversation. At all. Even when I tried to start one up or ask a question. The answer was a grunt or Yes/No.
The evening is almost over (thank God!) and he just leave doesn't wait for my ride to pick me up but just says, "Okay, Bye." THAT WAS FREAKING IT!

Here is my rant: WARNING WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS VERY ANGRY
WHAT THE HECK DO SOME GUYS THINK? YOU OFFER TO PAY! NO MATTER WHAT! Even if she declines offer at least three times before you drop it. Have a conversation buying us popcorn is not enough! Do something that will keep us interested or entertain other wise we are going to say, "OKAY, BYE," right back at you!


So this post has taken me about four months to write. Oye, I know. SLACKER.

Confused Bliss

I am a wishy washy person. As soon as I finished writing yesterday, Mr. Retriever called me. We talked. It was nice and he asked me out on a date. I was so happy. I said yes. I am an idiot. The boy is clearly still within Queenie's grasp. But what is a girl with a crush to do?

TODAY'S RANT- How do guys have the ability to flip girls emotions so easily? A girl can decide "I am done and over with him." But, next thing you know he comes back and sweeps us girls off our feet, and we melt into a puddle of blissful dark-choclate. 

Girls we need to learn how to stand our ground and say what we want to say. If your guy is a decent one then he will accept what you have to say, acknowledge it, and fix things if they need to be fixed. 

Rant to you next time,

Moonie B

Boy Needs To Get a Clue

From my title I am sure that you have figured out my topic for this rant. Now, to do this rant properly, I am going to need to introduce some characters to the story that is my life. Readers, I would like you to meet Mr. Retriever, for he is a hopeless golden retriever puppy you just can't help from smiling at. And, Queenie, cause she thinks she is one. 

Now Queenie and I used to be best friends, sisters. She was the Queen and I was the Princess. We were the main girls of the group. If one of us had a problem with someone outside of the group, then the whole group had a problem. You hear what I am saying? Now Queenie and I are no longer a duo. She kept making drama and I couldn't keep up. I told her straight and left. Now I am the taboo subject of the group.

So now that you are caught up, Mr. Retriever has a thing for me. So he says. But unfortunately the Queen has got her claws in him. He doesn't have a job right now. Hey, he's a student, it's fine, but the problem is that he doesn't want to take me out unless he can pay for it. 

No matter how many times I say, "We don't have to go out. We can just hang and watch a movie at home or something like that." But, no, it doesn't matter. 

Sure, I was okay with that, he's gentleman, and doesn't want to go dutch. I'm thinking I got a keeper - sweet, thoughtful, and chivalrous. He holds the door open for me and offers to carry my books. That may not be a big deal for you, but where I'm from it's rare. But then I find out he's going shopping with Queenie this weekend in the next town over. Yeah I know.

SO HERE'S MY RANT: Why can't guys understand that taking out a girl that completely loathes the girl that they like is considered a NO? If you aren't taking out your girl, don't be spending your time and money on another girl. And Especially don't be using excuses that you don't have the money afterwards. Get a clue and decide what you wanna do, cause dragging a girl along if you aren't gonna follow through is another NO. And don't be doing anything with the girl's decided foe. That's just low and makes a girl feel like she is as big as an ant. 

Girls don't take anything from a guy. You are all beautiful. And, guys, I understand if the girl is being a 'witch with a b' but don't do things that just don't make common sense. 

Rant to you next time,

Moonie B

Welcome

Well I am not too sure whether anyone is going to read this but I am writing it anyway.

Now my friends are always telling me my rants are good. They make sense and scream out things every girl wants to say.

So that's the purpose of this blog.

Ladies enjoy and comment if you want a certain rant come on and tell me and I will work my magic. Even all the guys out there should read this and try to start understanding what's going on in the female brain.