I can't stop cutting. I have a problem. Today I cut myself.....13 times. I wanted to work out. My mom is making me a costume and I read the sizes wrong. SO Now I have to lose.... 2" off my bust. 4.5" off my waist and 7" off my hips. In three weeks. So I wanted to work out. I see their side. It is 10:30 PM. I was already exhausted and I didn't get enough sleep last night. So they argued and yelled and screamed. I screamed back. And my mother brought up that I am so much like my dad's family. They disowned me 7 years ago, I was 10.

So I don't know what to do with myself. I need to cut. and I hate myself for it. As soon as mom told me I needed to lose weight fast I went and took a shower.... so I could throw up without them hearing me.

I know how to lose weight

Eat less, ---or pke when you over eat

Work out a lot --- What I tried to do

Sleep more--- Who has time for sleep? I am a senior in high school! I dont have enough time for homework, how can I have time for sleep?

And finally drink more water.

The first and last are easy. The middle two..... not so much. They have this issue with time. I need more of it. Something has to give. I sleep more and work out less, I work out more and sleep less. There is no win.

So here I am arguing with my parents and cutting myself. Because I can't deal. I don't know how. And now I hate myself more.

I've got some good reasons.

1. I am 17, 5'5" and a disgusted 165lbs

2. I can't lose the weight

3. My mother can't stop bring up with previous two reasons

4. I am cutting.

5. I started puking again.

Fuck my life